Do they still call them avi’s, I have no clue? I am so far out of the loop now it’s ridiculous.

Anyway, it’s called Christina’s World, by Andrew Wyeth, my avi, the painting and it’s one of my favorites. I am also a fan of anything by Van Gough and Kandinsky and love Alone Together by Maria Kreyn, look it up, it is fabulous. I have no clue where my love of art came from, my mother certainly never took me to a museum. That would have interfered with her drinking, yes I am fucking salty about it.

Don’t have kids if you aren’t going to be 100% there for them, just don’t! It isn’t difficult to understand, some people should never be parents but if you do have kids, be with them; take them to a museum, or a concert, or the beach and really connect with them, make them feel wanted. If you can’t or don’t want to put another person before yourself for the rest of your life, do not have kids.

That’s fine too, don’t have kids if you don’t want to, it’s a hard job and not everyone is cut out for it. You don’t have to do it and if you don’t want to then you shouldn’t.

Know that you can do free things with them, they don’t care, they just want you to be there! And remember they are watching you, they will do what you do, you better believe it!

Whatever you do, let it be what you want, I mean want with all your heart.

Whew, this started out as me talking about my favorite paintings and got real dark, real fast. Sorry about it. I broke that cycle, I dont drink and do drugs anymore (my kids never saw me high, only sober and clean).

From the jump, I took my kids to museums, concerts, beaches and continue to enjoy them as the wonderful human beings that they are. My mother doesn’t like me, it’s fine; she told me, and she told others, my answer is, I didn’t ask to be born, and I am over it.

My avi is Christina’s World and this is mine, my world. Welcome to the crazy.

I totally love social media, I’m not kidding. I have made some great friends on FB, Twitter and Instagram and feel so blessed to know these people from all around the world, that’s the good part about it. That’s the part I have gratitude for. SM makes a lot of things possible that weren’t possible just a few years ago however, too much of a good thing. You know what I mean? We have access to stream anything we want into our mind through our eyes and through our ears, but some of that content is not always what’s best for us. I decided to finally stick to my vow of spending no more than an hour on SM a day.

My phone offers a digital well being setting and I am going to really use it this time. I have set it before and then deleted the timers as I drink too much coffee and scroll, scroll, scroll, until my eyes are crossed and twitching. As we all know, scrolling right now can be triggering, depending how you are feeling that particular day.

So now it’s more water, moving around, eating better and listening to more music. I cried all the way home from work last night for no reason. I had a good day, it was long but good, I love my job and I was going home to my family who I love very much, but I could not shake this sadness. Now granted, we are all recovering from this traumatic year that was 2020, but I had been handling it ok despite getting Covid in November and not really feeling my best ever since. Last night I just lost it.

I listen to true crime podcasts, for many reasons, one of them being my uncle was missing for six months and then his body was found in a swamp in Florida. It just have been fascinated by crimes all of my life, it was books I devoured before this digital age so when podcasts came out I was like a kid in a candy store. But last night, I was so sad driving home to my husband and kids, for no reason.

Now, as a nurse in the middle of a pandemic I’ll admit that this year has been a challenge, but I have always been able to make the best of any situation I found myself in. That’s not what this was about, nor was it about politics or money or my mother or any of the other things that grind my gears on the regular. This was from someplace much darker and I could not figure it out.

It occurred to me that I spend every day with earbuds in streaming murder and mayhem into my brain as a rule to get through the day. It was no wonder I was rattled beyond belief at nine pm in the snow driving home. Today I decided to take a week off from podcasts and to listen to music instead; we’ll see how that goes. I also vow to drink more water and be better to myself. I need to move, and watch what I put into my body and mind, this was a rude awakening.

It’s not too late to resolve to be better to me, my Instagram is going to be filled with Norman Reedus and cats, my body full of vegetables and fruit and my mind full of 90’s alternative rock that will bring me back to a place where there is no pandemic and no sorrow.

Wish me luck.

Listen, you do you ok but I just find Twitter annoying as hell. If it isn’t our problematic president, don’t get me started; its the hoards of sad, sad, people trying to make others sad with them. I admit that I started a Twitter to follow (read stalk) one celebrity, but not in the creepy Annie Wilks way, more of I love you from afar, but would run and hide if I saw you on the street way, there’s a difference. But yes, that was what brought me to Twitter, lol I freely admit that.

I mean he’s HOT, and I have been in love with him since forever, I mean for-ev-er, way before he was famous, and this was my main objective. Social Media can make me feel special just because he might like a Tweet of mine, notice little ole me, a girl can dream, can’t she? I once breathed the same air as him at Walker Stalker, gasp, a fan girl’s dream right? Oh to be in the same room with the man of your dreams? I was one happy fangirl that day, for sure; thirty feet away from all that oozing hotness was just fine with me. I mean really, what would I say to him anyway? I stare at pictures of you way too often? I write dirty fanfiction stories about characters you play in movies and on TV? I hear you smell really good? (Yes, I bought the Keihl’s musk, so I could imagine how he smells. Don’t judge me). That’s not creepy at all, right, RIGHT? Ok, I just outed myself on many levels, but really it’s all there in my feed for everyone’s eyes.

Yay Twitter.

What I do all day, who I worship, whose ass I like, it’s all there for the world to see and I can be as anonymous as I want to be. Twitter was a gold mine, a place to interact with that hot actor and others who felt the same about him. What could be bad? It was heaven on earth I tell you! I signed up for this, gave it all away willingly!

It was all good for a while, really good despite all the fuck boys and dick pics. But now I feel like shouting out into the void has become too commonplace, and these people think they can say anything they want to without repercussions. Last night, while laying in bed with my GH (gorgeous husband) I found myself enraged and aggravated over nothing!

I should have been talking to my daughter who came to tell me about her day or later fucking my husband, but noooooo. I was on Twitter getting mad about Trump, judging peoples selfies, and liking and retweeting bullshit for the masses. I woke up in a bad mood the next morning, way too early I might add and reached for my phone right away…why?

Because I am an addict, plain and simple and this is just another addiction. Tonight the phone goes off at nine pm, come hell or high water and I will not look at it like a psycho when I wake up in the middle of the night. I won’t, I swear to God I won’t! I will be engaged in conversation with my loved ones, I will be present in the moment and I will fuck my husband; it is Saturday night after all.

The best of intentions right? Wish me luck!

By some stroke of cosmic horrifying luck, Twitter is the only App that updates on the reg for me. Go figure right? My cell provider sucks but hey it’s cheap and I am all about the cheap right now. All about it. Who needs Tumblr anyway? I will rant about why I need to be so cheap in another post, suffice to say, my country is going down the tubes at the hand of a dictator, who is, guess what? On Twitter.

I have three Twitter acounts and almost 2500 followers between the three. I do a podcast with my friend about being thirsty for said above celebrity, plus one more hot dude( I’m old, not dead people), and run a Facebook group for writers, yet I do not want this world I created. It’s way too much and there isn’t enough time in the day for all of it.

Today I vow to turn it off, if not for good at least a few hours, it wont be easy but I am determined. I even verbalized it to GH so it’s on now. Goodbye cruel Twitter world, don’t miss me too much and stop trying to slide into my DM’s, unless you’re Norman Reedus.