I totally love social media, I’m not kidding. I have made some great friends on FB, Twitter and Instagram and feel so blessed to know these people from all around the world, that’s the good part about it. That’s the part I have gratitude for. SM makes a lot of things possible that weren’t possible just a few years ago however, too much of a good thing. You know what I mean? We have access to stream anything we want into our mind through our eyes and through our ears, but some of that content is not always what’s best for us. I decided to finally stick to my vow of spending no more than an hour on SM a day.

My phone offers a digital well being setting and I am going to really use it this time. I have set it before and then deleted the timers as I drink too much coffee and scroll, scroll, scroll, until my eyes are crossed and twitching. As we all know, scrolling right now can be triggering, depending how you are feeling that particular day.

So now it’s more water, moving around, eating better and listening to more music. I cried all the way home from work last night for no reason. I had a good day, it was long but good, I love my job and I was going home to my family who I love very much, but I could not shake this sadness. Now granted, we are all recovering from this traumatic year that was 2020, but I had been handling it ok despite getting Covid in November and not really feeling my best ever since. Last night I just lost it.

I listen to true crime podcasts, for many reasons, one of them being my uncle was missing for six months and then his body was found in a swamp in Florida. It just have been fascinated by crimes all of my life, it was books I devoured before this digital age so when podcasts came out I was like a kid in a candy store. But last night, I was so sad driving home to my husband and kids, for no reason.

Now, as a nurse in the middle of a pandemic I’ll admit that this year has been a challenge, but I have always been able to make the best of any situation I found myself in. That’s not what this was about, nor was it about politics or money or my mother or any of the other things that grind my gears on the regular. This was from someplace much darker and I could not figure it out.

It occurred to me that I spend every day with earbuds in streaming murder and mayhem into my brain as a rule to get through the day. It was no wonder I was rattled beyond belief at nine pm in the snow driving home. Today I decided to take a week off from podcasts and to listen to music instead; we’ll see how that goes. I also vow to drink more water and be better to myself. I need to move, and watch what I put into my body and mind, this was a rude awakening.

It’s not too late to resolve to be better to me, my Instagram is going to be filled with Norman Reedus and cats, my body full of vegetables and fruit and my mind full of 90’s alternative rock that will bring me back to a place where there is no pandemic and no sorrow.

Wish me luck.